Age & Image

I'd rather be a chameleon
and change my colours
to suit my surroundings;
but I'm not a chameleon.

An original free verse! Just how important image is especially to a woman in this topsy-turvy times. There's so much obligation to fulfill, can she ever be herself? Or does she go ahead and have courage to do what I've done?
About 5 years ago I decided I'd stop fooling myself, trying to be whom I was not. It was tentatively tried at first because I was still serving in the government sector where a certain decorum is expected of one; so I thought I was happy being archtypical...quintessential...safety in numbers, whatever, except that in group photographs every other lady looks like the next woman: long loose floral shirt over black baggy pants, black handbag, black court shoes and a so-called `matching' scarf tied below her chin. And that is considered being `modern', you know, otherwise, it should be the baju kurung only then will you be the Real Model Teacher.
And can anyone tell me what a grandmother should look like?
Am I that radical just because I let my hair long and loose and I call myself a `Nenek'? OK, I've got a bit of highlight here and there; alright, I admit I do go for colours also but it's absolutely out of necessity...Oh? those red heels? They're by Scholl and meant for old dames like me: stable. My jackets too? They're to keep my aging chest from catching cold. What, even my Burberry and Fendi handbags? They're original. You mean once you hit my age a woman should NOT go for labels and brands? Whose rules?
So you see, there are all those unwritten laws that govern a (Malay) woman's image. Especially a grand-mother. No make up...no fancy outfits...no heels...stay home and rock-a-bye-baby like Mother Goose. Get fat! Babies need all your fat to cushion their softness and frailty. The kitchen, not the office; cook, not chase clients; and knit, oh yes..or in our part of the world, crochet or sew patchworks.
No wonder whenever I hold Iman and Imran's hands when I take them to the Malls and of course they HAD to scream `NENEK!!!" out of sheer excitement, I inevitably get hostile looks from women. "Who does she think she is...two grandsons and still acting young.."
All I can say is..well, I AM young.
The best congratulatory wish I received when I became a grandmother came from YAM(Yang Amat Mulia) Tunku Shahariah binti Almarhum Tunku Abdul Rahman who said "Congratulations, Rohani...don't they make you feel YOUNG again?" very unlike most who smartly commented " Wah, dah jadi nenek, dah tua rupanya."
Seriously, though, I feel that a woman should not succumb to her situation just because society dictates that she should be and look like so-and-so. Do not over-do it, of course. The rule of the thumb is that in clothings, there must be one loose item on you. If you wear a biggish blouse, then put on tapered pants, and a bit of heel. Flats will make you look and feel sloppy. If you wear loose flowing pants, then a small short shirt and a well-cut cardigan that goes just below your waistline is smart. Do not show your behind. Do not show your midriff because well, oftimes at our age, it is not very pretty and not as taut as that teenager's over there.
The bottom line is the way a grandmother behaves. You can be covered from head to toe but if you scream and yell and guffaw like a hyena, well then, you are just another woman. Or if you cover your head and not a single strand of hair shows, but you wear a t-shirt with cap-sleeves or a skirt that stops at calf-length and a pair of green Crocs bought at the night market...then I'd say wham bam thank you ma'am, I'll go scarfless but still be a lady. And still be a grandmother. A Grand Mother. That adjective is there for a reason.