Letter from Nye Ariffin

My beloved Iman and Imran,
This is Nye Ariffin, your Great Grandfather, your Nenek's father.
We are not destined to meet but I know you as I know Harith, Etek, Adriana Hanna, all my great grandchildren, and soon, I know your aunty Emek will also have a child of her own. I know how wonderful that would have been, to gather here on this verandah and hear all your shrieks and laughter and to see Nye Lah strut around like a proud and cheerful peacock as she served her little flock of energetic great grandchildren. And I would sit serenely here, the same way as you see me now...and how you would scramble and fight to sit on my knees, search the pockets of my baju melayu with your tiny hands. I could feel gentle Iman kiss my cheeks and Imran my hands, or even my toes because I know one day Iman did that, didn't you, to your Nenek, you kissed her feet and she cried? You are as kind as your Papa and Atuk Rashid, the generations of men with Southern roots; while many had thought I was formidable in my silence and often piercing eyes! Maybe besides Nye Lah, your Nenek knew me best. I wonder if she could still remember how she sat on my knee and I brushed her hair with my songkok brush? Well I had pampered her a little bit more because she came after two boys, your Tok Ayah and Tok Ming, and after her, another boy, Tok Mail.
ImanImran, I had to surrender to my illness. I grew exhausted fighting it for almost four years. Your Atuk and Nenek had done so much for me in the battle against cancer. Nenek had taken so many leave from work to be with me in KL hospital and she saw my hallucinations each time I was drugged with morphine. Nye Lah was optmistic throughout my illness but Allah is Almighty, my boys...I had to leave all that I had loved in this world not too long before you came along.

2005. The family celebrated what was to be my final Hari Raya in the hospital ward. I had worn a maroon baju melayu that your Nenek bought for me (because I had wanted it) and the doctor allowed my oxygen mask to be removed just for that day. I knew everyone faked their joy as your Tok Ayah Mat clicked away on his camera.
One day when you both are old enough, Nenek will tell you about me. She will not tell any fabricated fairy tale (I hope) because my life had been a full one, a real one. No my beloved, I was not a hero. I was not wealthy either, but I had my riches. Nye Lah was the most faithful of wives and she withstood almost 60 years with me with amazing patience and love that I don't think anyone could be as lucky or as `rich' as me then. She slept on the hard, cold hospital floor to keep me company...she never left my side. And I opened up my heart to her and finally declared my long, long love for her, but maybe professed too late before I left her forever; that I know she keeps that confession as a talisman to keep her going now. I was also `rich' with my 9 children, including Tok Syila, and all my children-in-law. Your Nenek being the furthest there in Johor but I was comforted in knowing she was well-taken care of by your Atuk. She is perhaps very lucky in that sense and I was proud of how well her life had been...still keeping the record of being the first in the family to go for the Haj, eh..and to study overseas and all...globe-trotting with Atuk, much to the envy of everyone; sitting next to Royalty and other highbrows..but Na, Allah is Al-Muntaqim... the Inflicter of Retribution; the Nemesis will come to those who do injustice to you.

How many grandchildren had I? 28 or 30? maybe more? (Eh, Mat??) Who would not be `rich'? A comfortable house, a small car just for me and Nye Lah had been more than enough. So when I was gone, I left nothing. Nothing. Nothing to be shared among the siblings and their children. No fortune to be fought over, no so-called`heritage', much to the disbelief of family. Syila took my spectacles, Ana took my fountain pen, my dentures must still be with Che.
But Iman Imran...I left a legacy that you must bear. I had honour and dignity. I had wisdom and foresight. I left behind values that money and wealth cannot buy. I had no need for too much money; happiness was being able to sleep well and peacefully, with Nye Lah (who could fall asleep even sitting down..); to be healthy in mind, body and spirit. To have gone to the mosque and madrasah was more than I could ask for. Oh I had a weakness for cigarettes which cost me my life, but that was not to be a reason. I sold off what little bit of property I had, that piece of land somewhere in the far end of Kelantan was of no use to me except to have caused so much petty squabble.
So remember Iman Imran, Nye's legacy. I know Nenek has these traits that is why she is what she is today, and she upkeeps the sanctity of my principles. She has my boldness of character, my pride and quiet dignity. Fortitude. Her seeming indifference is her defence mechanism. She will not beg for anything and neither must you or anyone in this family. Stay clear of greed for material comfort; I know your world is so very challenging that's why you need to be extraordinarily strong!

I will always look down upon you and pray for you, ImanImran, all my great grandchildren, my grandchildren, my children. My wife.
Look after her for me, and love her. She doesn't ask for much, except to be remembered by you. I miss all of you, and
I love you.

May Allah bless each and everyone of you.

Nye Ariffin.